Please Read!!

There is no great way to bring up this topic but we have struggled with infertility for almost 3 years now. We did get pregnant after the first 6 months but miscarried. I just say it's been 3 years because that's how long we have been trying and wanting a baby.  Technically it has been just over 2 years since that last pregnancy so I guess I should go off that.  My heart is broken because I can't give little Jackson a sibling to grow up with.  Also I struggle with feelings of guilt that my body is not functioning the way it's supposed to. I feel like I'm letting my husband down and our parents and siblings. I know that's not truly how they feel.  I know those awful thoughts and feelings are all just in my head. I have a pretty severe case of Endometriosis. I had a laparoscopy done last year in December and was so hopeful that I would get pregnant really fast after the doctor burned it all off.  Well, there is still no positive pregnancy test.. But I have new hope! We started the adoption process last month!!! After much grief and frustration that my body was not able to get pregnant, even though I had done it twice before, I realized something one day.  As I thought about the other options that are out there this thought came into my mind- 'Maybe the reason infertility exists is so that adoption could take place'.   I believe we have a Father in Heaven who has a plan for us.  Adam and I feel that we need to have every door open for our family to be blessed with another child.  We are just so thrilled to see what our Father in Heaven has in store for us! Please feel free to pass the word on to anyone and everyone that we are hoping to adopt! Thanks for taking the time to read our blog :)  

Small Acts of Service... Can go a Long Way

Just a warning: This blog really doesn't go in any particular order... it's just whatever I feel like writing about that day! On February 11, 2011 we found out we were pregnant with our second child, after 6 months of trying. Also that was the day my Grandpa Nichols passed away. It was definetly a day full of different emotions. We were so excited for baby number 2 to come! Jackson was not even 2 years old yet and we kept trying to explain to him that he was going to be a big brother :) I think we were more excited about that fact than he was since he had no idea what we were talking about. Well with this pregnancy, as well as my first, I had some spotting. I didn't worry too much because it had happened before but I made sure to get frequent ultrasounds to make sure we got a heartbeat.  I went in at about 6 or 7 weeks for an ultrasound and we had a heartbeat. Your chance of miscarrying goes down if you get a heartbeat. I felt very relieved.  The one thing different about the spotting this time around, though, was that it wouldn't stop.  With my first pregnancy it came and went. On the evening of March 16, I started bleeding extremely heavy while I was at work. I called my doctor right away and went home to lie in bed until I could get in for an ultrasound first thing in the morning. I drove home crying my eyes out. I knew there was no way that sweet baby's heart was still beating. I remember feeling a sense that everything was going to be alright even behind all that crying and worry. The next day on March 17 we found out officially that we had lost our precious baby. I was 9 weeks pregnant. I just laid on the ultrasound table and sobbed.  The doctor suggested a D and C.  We scheduled it for later that afternoon.  I won't go into too much detail of more of the emotions we went through that day and future days. Maybe I will do that in a later post. I will say that I cried on and off for a good year because part of me felt broken. We had so much love and support shown to us during this difficult time from friends and family.
The one act of love and service that especially made an impact on me happened about a week or two after the miscarriage. I opened my front door to leave for work and on my doorstep was a little bouquet of flowers with a simple note attached "Thinking of You".  No name of who it was from. This honestly meant so much to me because this person wasn't interested in taking credit for doing something nice-they just wanted to make sure I knew that someone was thinking of me and what I was going through. By that time most people don't really say anything to you about what happened.  It just feels forgotten about by mostly everyone so it really meant a lot to me that someone was still thinking of me. It touched my heart that day and has ever since still to this day. This person set a wonderful example that I try to follow now. Whomever this person is that left me those flowers, I thank you forever!

I'm officially a blogger!

So I have decided to start a blog.  I think the biggest reason I finally decided to do this is because.. well actually there are two reasons.  The first reason is I am a TERRIBLE journal keeper! This is something I have always wanted to be better at doing but since I just can't seem to get myself to commit to doing it, I thought typing a blog would be more fun and I can print my posts and call it a journal! The second reason is because I thought it might be therapeutic for me to write about things happening in my little family's life. Right now the biggest hurdle has been dealing with infertility. So here I go.. I hope you all enjoy reading my new blog :)